Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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