Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
