Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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