Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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