I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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