This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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