I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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