Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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