My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
