maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
