Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
