Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
