i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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