Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
