Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize