At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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