Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She told me I should be a condom model.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
