If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
