I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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