I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Do vagina's smell?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
