I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
