Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
