I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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