yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
