Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
