who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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