Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
