The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
