I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
