i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
