Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
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We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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