Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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