my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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