what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
