So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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