yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
