get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
