You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
