she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
