Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
