I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Less talking, more tequila
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
