she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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