So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
