how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
