everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
