Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
do herpes really smell.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
