So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
