if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
