Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
