I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
