i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
