i need an iv and a liver transplant
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
