I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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