Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
