Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
