apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
