You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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