Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
