everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
