A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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