On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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