I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
