im drinking this country out of the recession.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We're too hungover to prance.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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