he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
