So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
