About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
