Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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