i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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