I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
