What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
