he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
