She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
