I just threw up on my dentist
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
