i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
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I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
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It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Still dying that you shit outside
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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