I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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