He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
