Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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