I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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