i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
