I hate all girls vehemently.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
4 words: hood of his car
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
