Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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