By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
