I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
