At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Is this like a preordered booty call?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
