I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
