It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
