I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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