I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize