Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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