I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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